For Emily

An email came across the country from my cousin to my sister, his youngest sister’s only daughter has committed suicide. She calls me - our morning starts with speechless shock.
I talk to my cousin tonight. She says “This is messed up. This is so messed up. Why would some one do this – a daughter, a wife, a mother? We had her yesterday and today she’s gone.” I wish I could tell you, I wish I had answers, magic words to ease your pain.
I wish someone had those magic words to ease hers, so she did not have to take this path, this final journey.
Suicide.
Who is to know the demons that drive a person to this final step, this ultimate, irreversible resolution? Why do they think this is the only thing left for them, the only way they now can go? Many say it is one of the most selfish acts, but I wonder also if it is in some way a form of bravery? I wonder if they feel that the swift, intense pain this will cause is better than the pain they feel they would inflict by staying with us, being as they are – do they do this bravely, thinking to spare those left behind a lasting burden caused by their unhappiness?
Tonight we looked at pictures of a laughing, carefree teenager on a long ago trip to Australia. Tonight we shed our own tears for her loss, for our family’s pain. Tonight and tomorrow and tomorrow those who loved her most continue their lives, wondering why, knowing they will probably never know.
She took a picture many, many years ago, of a hummingbird at the feeder my mother had outside her window and gave it to my mother. It’s on my refrigerator, I looked at it this morning and thought how lovely, how fragile, yet how hardy those tiny birds are. Emily, you were lovely. We grieve that you were too fragile, not hardy enough to fight your demons. We hope you are past them now. Go in peace.

THE GREAT PEEPS CONTROVERSY

Peeps. Love ‘em or hate em’. Peeps have been taking up a large share of the comments from my Facebook friends this morning. I said that it was permissible for adults to eat peeps for breakfast on Easter, and a friend sent back ‘well, yeah!’. So that’s what I’m doing right now.
Used to be Peeps were just yellow chicks. Now there are lavender, blue, green. And bunnies in all those colors as well. I guess that’s ok, and helps the company sell more of them, but you’re messing with tradition here, folks. Although I have to confess I bought green bunnies yesterday along with the yellow chick.
How to eat Peeps? Do you nibble out the tiny chocolate eyes first? Bite the tail off? Or just go for the whole thing in one bite. Everybody no doubt has their own preferred method. Same with the bunnies – ears first or last?
More important, Peeps fresh out of the box or left out to get a little or a lot hard?
I don’t even care that much for marshmallows (S’Mores aside) but I gotta have my Peeps at Easter. Soft, right out of the box, not hardened.
Now, oh the sacrilege of it all, there are also Christmas Peeps. I, for one, will not indulge. Some things just are not right. I mean, it’s not Easter without Peeps, but Christmas? That’s like having striped peppermint eggs for Easter. Just not right.
I’ve got a friend who admits to being afraid of Peeps. A childhood trauma, no doubt. You know who you are, and I will be thinking of you when I eat the green bunny – ears first.

Spring

Spring seems to have sprung in our corner of the world. Of course, it’s more likely a ‘faux spring’, a teaser of a few days of glorious weather that will turn chilly and rainy and then ease into the real thing in a few more weeks. But temps in the 70’s in early April – we’ll all take it.
I just hung laundry outside for the first time this year. Yeah, I have a dryer, but I just love the smell, especially sheets, of things that dry in the sunlight.
Remember back before there were dryers? I remember hanging things on the clothesline in winter, and they would freeze solid before they dried. Then you’d try to take them in when the wind was blowing – well, there’s nothing like getting whacked in the head by a pair of frozen jeans, let me tell you. And try to fold them to get them into the wash basket – nope, no way. You’d have to make a stack, and then turn to get through the door.
I also remember hanging diapers (yes, cloth diapers, none of these ‘huggies’ when I was changing the baby) out one very windy day – by the time I got to the far end of the clothesline, the ones I’d hung first were dry!
About 10 years ago, about this time of year, I had to have my whole septic system dug up and redone. That meant moving flower beds that were right where the backhoe would have to be. So I did that, with the daffodils just ready to bloom, again it was quite warm. Then there was a very warm day, so I went over to Lindenwald to take the nature trail hike. That night the weather changed and it snowed about a foot. Those poor little flowers were saying ‘what the hey, here-first we’re moved then we’re snowed on-what’s goin’ on?’ So I won’t be surprised to see another snowstorm. But it won’t stay around long, if it happens.
Meanwhile, I have to start picking up the yard, raking the leaves off the flower beds – and figuring out where to put the garden bed I bought at the Austerlitz Historical Society festival last fall. It was a good idea then. It’s about 6x8’ or so I guess, and makes a bed raised about 10”, which will be nice, but I have to find a space with enough sunlight to put it. There’s the rub, with al the trees around my house. Then get topsoil and put into it, and then plant the garden. Making myself tired to think about it.
That’s for another day, today I have to meet the person bringing back the surrey, and work on show rentals, including the one that I told in January to get me measurements as soon as possible because of all I had going on. She sent them two days ago. Sigh.
Happy Easter, Happy Spring!!