Wednesday, April 27, 2011

What are they afraid of? Themselves.

I’ve been following posts on Facebook about a heartbreaking fire out in Ohio. It is labeled as not only arson but also a hate crime. Someone sprayed anti-gay phrases: ‘fags are freaks’ ‘burn in hell fag‘on a barn and set it on fire. There were eight horses in the barn, one a week-old foal, one a mare due to foal any day. When the owner saw the fire he tried to get into the barn to save his horses, his pets, his friends, but could not. They all died. The owner is understandably heartbroken, the neighborhood is in shock, and all are wondering who would do this and why.
One report mentioned that a group called Ohio FAIR was posting a %5000 reward towards finding the arsonist(s). I called them to see if I could donate (no, it’s that company’s reward but the guy I talked to is going to let me know if any other funds are started) and while talking about the fire I said ‘You wonder what people like that are afraid of to make them do something like that?’. He answered ‘themselves’.
Themselves. Because they don’t know how to accept, to deal with someone who is different and so their answer is to strike out, to hurt, to hide behind the dark of night. This, instead of finding out more about why this person is different, finding out that he might be a perfectly normal, acceptable person except for this one difference. This is where cowards and bullies come from, because this is a cowardly act, an ultimate bullying act.
People, individuals, schools, society that condones (and by not stopping it they are condoning) bullying all have encouraged acts such as this. There are many, we heard about this one, there are so many others that we do not hear of. All because one person is different, and others cannot accept that. People’s lives are lost because of this, at other’s hands and sadly at their own.
What are they afraid of? Themselves.
Don’t be afraid. Learn. Accept. You don’t have to like them, you don’t have to agree with them. You just have to accept that some people are not like you and accept that. You go your way, they go theirs. Meanwhile, we can try to teach, to show that their fears are unfounded, to help prevent. If it works just one time, we’ve accomplished something.
PS, I did mention to the guy at FAIR that I’d like about 10 minutes in a small room with the person(s) who did this, just me and my tire stick, to educate them. No, that’s not what I mean by teach, but damn it would feel good.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Easter memories……..

Waiting for it to be time to go meet Lynne for Easter brunch at Lippera’s, yummy – and thinking of Easter in years past . . . . .
Hunting for Easter candy – my parents would hide candies all through the house – never outdoors that I remember, and never eggs, again that I remember, don’t know why. My sister and I would run from place to place: under sofa cushions, behind books, behind and under knickknacks – sometimes very easy, like next to the banisters on the stairs, sometimes harder, but we would run around like – well, like little kids – until we found all the candy. Then we’d compare who found the most. And of course, eat some.
The aunts would take us to church, and we probably had new spring outfits for that, although I cannot remember details of a single one. (Imagine me not remembering an outfit!)
There would be a family dinner, usually at the Big House, which was where my father and his siblings had grown up and his oldest sister still lived. As with all family dinners, lots of aunts and uncles and cousins – and food - one dinner I still remember was traditional Italian, with a pasta course that was enough for two dinners, then the full ham dinner, then salad, then desserts.
Since my sister’s birthday is in April sometimes they came on the same day and we would celebrate both.
When the kids were small we would go to my parents and they hid eggs for them – one year Stephanie came running in to the kitchen to tell the adults: “Sara just sat on one of Penny’s eggs and it was her most colorfable one!”
I hid candies for Sara, but it’s not as much fun with just one. Then I did for Stephen, up until he was maybe 13 or so – I think the last time was one year my sister and niece came over for dinner, and I hid things outside, since it was a nice day – Stephen and Rachel hunted, more to humor the adults than to find candies for themselves.
My sister did it for a few years for the younger kids, but they’re all pretty past it now, another ritual left behind.
When Stephen was small he would come over and we’d dye eggs together. I did some the other night, because it’s Easter and you have to have colored eggs; gave some to Sara in the basket I took there yesterday and I’ll eventually eat the rest myself, had one for breakfast.
Another day to reflect on the meaning of it, and maybe that’s why I dreamed about both of my parents last night.
Celebrate it however you do.
Happy Easter – renew, revive, reaffirm, rejoice

Saturday, April 23, 2011

....love brings you a fairy tale ....

I went to my daughter’s today to deliver Easter things – a Winnie The Pooh with Tigger prominent gift bag with trinkets, colored eggs, candy for all, and a candle for her. The candle’s kind of a ‘for you’ gift, but Easter seemed as good a time as any to give it. It’s more holder than candle, square with a tea light inset on top, and in nice lettering it says: “Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life…love brings you a fairy tale.” Reaction: “I LOVE that candle!! I saw it and thought about getting it but never did.. Thank you meema!!!!!! (Love Meema too!)”
She’s getting married in a couple of months. Yes, this is the same daughter who for years shared my philosophy (in fact she coined the phrase) “Men are fine as long as they know what ‘thank you-get out’ means”. Yeah, I’m not big on ‘relationships’ any more. Neither was she, for a long time. It took Geoff a long time to talk her in to getting married. Then he was the one who ‘strayed’. She’s had a couple of guys over the 13 years since he left, but nothing stuck. There was one who several of us thought might eventually become a contender, but before that happened, along came her fairy tale. Every now and then she’d talk about different ones of her neighbors in the trailer park she lived in, a couple across the street with two little girls no more or less than any others. Then she mentioned that the neighbor’s wife left them. Then she was going to the neighbor’s now and then for a beer. Nothing unforeseen in that. Then the neighbor bought a house and she was helping him move. Nothing unforeseen in that either, we’re like that. Then, in the middle of the move, the neighbor turned to his daughters and said ‘Sara’s my girlfriend now’ – to which she said ‘Did ya want to tell Sara about that?’ And then she was moved in, and then came to my house one day and said ‘I figured I better tell you before you hear it on the street somewhere’ and held out her left hand with a diamond on it. Who’d’a thunk?! So they’re getting married July 9. She says he treats her better than any man ever has, and you can’t ask for more than that for your daughter. They seem to need each other. Their fairy tale is giving them a chance to live happily ever after.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

A Great Smoking Debate

Yesterday my friend Kelly down in NC posted a news item about a sad, sad event in which a trailer with nine thoroughbred horses traveling on I-95 caught fire, none of the horses were saved. The article noted "Troopers said a discarded cigarette from a passing vehicle likely flew into one of the partially open stalls, setting fire to the hay, troopers said."
Well, that set off a storm of responses that led to a great smoking debate, and of course because I don't know to keep my mouth - or keyboard - shut, got into the thick of it. Some of the postings are below, there were some others in between.
Right now I'm trying to find out if she's all right, as she lives in the path of the storms that went through yesterday.

Kelly's first post: how aweful!!! Smokers DO NOT discard your cigarettes out the window when driving down the road! Someone did just that last nite and inadvertantly killed 6 thoroughbred on I95!!!!

Billy: For years I've smoked, and if I want to smoke in my car I will, let the horses fend for themselves. They shouldn't have been driving anyway
Plus people who put out butts in their car are more likely to set the inside of the car on fire then people who toss them out are likely to start a fire period. So would you rather the 1 in a million chance that my cigarette flying out the window will start a fire, or the one in a hundred chance that I light up the inside of my car like a little piece of hell on wheels, and go flying 90mph at other cars?

Kelly: your the smoker so let it be your car that catches fire, and your insurance to pay the additional damages. and I think your #'s are a little backwards, your more apt to start a fire outside your car then in.

Me: I doubt it's a 1 in a million chance, many wild fires are started by tossed cigarettes. Kelly what's the full story on this? Think the key words here are 'put the cigarette out'-the smoker is more apt to actually put it out if discarding in the car, as opposed to just tossing the still lit butt out the window. And why should other people have to deal with your noxious litter? It's yours, keep it yours. I don't drop my toilet paper on your lawn.

Me: That is truly terrible! And to your smoker friend I say, suppose it had fallen into the open window of another car, and killed a family, that would be their fault for driving next to you, I suppose? Smokers are by and large incredibly thoughtless, I have observed, as long as they can indulge themselves they don't care about results - and I realize not all are, but so many that I lump them all together. This is just too sad.

Me: Yeah, there are documented cases of grass/brush/wild fires being tracked back to a cigarette as the point of origin. In this particular case the point of origin is uncertain, although it is probably a better guess that it might have been a... cigarette from a vehicle, than oh, say perhaps the horse playing with a Bic. But yes, there are cases of cigarettes thrown from moving vehicles starting fires in the grass along the road, I have seen it myowndamnself. When the big red trucks with the flashing lights are in front of your house and the guys in the funny coats are putting the wet stuff on the red stuff, I hope you can still say you can throw a cigarette butt into the grass out back with no flaming results.

Billy: lol, prove it, show me a documented case of a cigarette butt being 100% certain the cause of a roadside fire. it's always speculation, and usually proven to be false. you're like one of those people who think it's bad to smoke around gasoline, even though it is impossible to ignite it with a cigarette

Me: Well, Bill, few things in the world are 100% certain, but when investigators find the filter of a cigarette at the point of origin of a fire, it's a high percentage indication that's the cause. As far as what I believe, don't ass-u-me - I do indeed know several things about cigarettes and fires, one of them being that it is not the gasoline that burns, it is the fumes that ignite, and do not actually burn, they explode, causing things in close proximity to burn. I am glad that you have so far not had bad experiences caused by your somewhat daring attitude towards cigarettes and fire origins, and hope that continues, for both your sake and that of others around you who would be affected if at some time your beliefs are proved wrong.

Peter: "Kelly, I have read the story and although very tragic indeed, it does say likely and not that it's positively from some other driver. For all anybody knows, it could be the driver of the the truck himself OR MAYBE even the guy in back FELL ASLEEP with a cigarette. Yes, I still smoke, and can I say i've never flicked one out the window of a car, absolutely not. Can I say that I have not for years and don't now, ABSOLUTELY. I remember that you used to smoke and if you tell me that you've never flicked one out the window of a car, i'd have a very hard time believing that. Sorry, but just how it is. And to your friend that realizes that all smokers are not alike that but STILL lumps them all together I say, I live by the beach now and when i walk on the beach I DO constantly pick up other peoples butts on the beach as they take many years to bio-degrade. Can you say that you clean them up when you see them? I highly doubt it. But then you'll tell me you're not going to clean up after anybody who smokes. Non-smokers put themselves on such a high pedestal I sometimes just find it so hard to believe. you act like just because they smoke, it gives you the right to classify them in any way you wish. Even if you've never smoked in your life, i'm sure there is some kind of dirt that could be dug up on you too. Everybody has some somewhere. It's just that it's easier for you to do because smoking is not something that's hid for no-one to see. I say, just be glad that ember hit your face and not the bedding or you wouldn't be here today to trash people who smoke that you don't even know. Sorry for the rant but some things on here are very hard NOT to respond to."

Me: Geez, Kelly, I bet you didn’t know you were going to start a whole debate! Peter, you are an exception. Sure, there’s ‘dirt’ that can be dug up on me, some of it being that I don’t always pick up other people’s litter such as butts on the beach (ps I hope you wear gloves or cover your hands somehow when you do that). And I for sure don’t belong on a pedestal. However, after a lifetime of being around smokers, some of the thoughtless things I and probably many other non-smokers have been subject to (without getting in to the whole second hand smoke thing, and some before the new laws abolished smoking indoors in so many places) include: moving the ashtray so that the smoke from the cigarette isn’t floating into their face – but it is going right into mine; always having to sit in the smoking section to sit in non-smoking; lighting up when they are done eating whether others are or not; having my clothes, hair, self smelling like used ashtrays, having smoke bother my eyes; now smokers have to do it, standing one step away from the door, so that I have to walk around them to get inside; putting out smoldering butts dropped where they might start a fire; putting out fires in ash trays and butt cans and on the ground caused by smoldering butts ….. and so on. Yes, these are little things that could be called petty, but not to the person constantly putting up with them. Turn around the irritation you might feel about the fact that now you can’t smoke every place you’d like to, maybe. And maybe you never do any of these or other annoying things with your cigarettes/smoking, and yes there are no doubt other smokers who don’t or didn’t do these things, but these are things that some if not most/all of the rest of us have dealt with.
Tossing still lit butts out the car windows, whether done by a passerby or the people in the truck in this instance (although what difference that makes, I’m not sure, the result was sadly the same) does cause fires, which lead to loss of property and more – if it’s a lucky case just some grass and trees lost, but all too often it’s people’s homes, and even lives. Firefighters put their lives on the line every day to extinguish fires caused by careless smoking. You are an exception if you always police your own butts, but the reason smokers get lumped together is the same as any other group taking the heat for the way the majority of them are – the majority of smokers are not the way you are.
Sorry Kelly – and I still think it’s sadder than sad that the horses were lost due to someone’s carelessness and not caring.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Spring

Today it’s more spring like – more ‘seasonal’ – go figure. Spring always signaled many changes –for one thing, we could start leaving the cows out during the day, although if it was wet we didn’t want them in the pasture because their hooves would slide and pull up the grass by the roots and that was a bad thing. Getting the machinery ready for plowing, planting, and so on. April is too early for planting, but not for planning. Which field to put the corn in this year, should we switch from hay to corn or the other way around? Hoping for good weather to dry the fields, hoping the hay lasted until the cows could go out and graze full time. My mother would start planning her garden and ordering seeds. We’d have our semi-annual ‘trying on party’, which involved getting the new season clothes out and seeing what still fit, or in my case, if I grew into any of my sister’s hand-me-downs – usually that took several years. And sometimes I hoped it would never happen, she wore ‘girlier’ clothes than I did. I was happy with jeans and shirts, there’s a photo somewhere of me with jeans, a plaid flannel shirt and a piece of rope for a belt, hugging one of my horses. Teasing warm days and then back to cold again. Waiting to hear the ‘peepers’, that’s the first sure sign of spring. I’ve got a lot of branches to pick up, a few downed trees to spend quality chain saw time with. Bulbs to plant, and the seeds I got the other day. But, it’s spring, and for today, we’ll take that.

Friday, April 1, 2011

April Fool Snow

April Fool, it’s snowing! Although it appears it will be only a couple of inches instead of the foot that was being predicted before the track of the storm changed, it’s still snowing. Most are saying enough, already, after a snowier winter than we’ve had in a long time. Again I say: this is what winter used to be. When it melted in March I said we will probably have at least one more storm. I remember April and even May snow storms. In the 1970’s, was still living over by my folk’s house, there was one that dumped several inches of heavy wet snow, I remember a big limb broke off one of the maple trees in front of their house, and if memory serves it almost landed on my father’s car. About 10 years ago, I had just moved all my daffodils so that the workers could get the heavy equipment in to make a new septic field, and the next night it snowed about 10 inches, I said the poor daffodils were probably saying ‘what the hey, here?!’ And in 2002 we were rehearsing ‘The Sound of Music’ and it snowed; I was writing an email to Monica who was on tour at the time and said ‘WTF-it’s Snowing – May 18 and it’s SNOWING!’ Someone made little Trapp Family snowmen on the picnic table that hadn’t been moved off the terrace yet. So, April Fool on us, winter isn’t ready to leave us alone yet. The good side, with temps in the 40 and 50’s predicted, it won’t be around long.
The daffodils and crocus are poking up, no blooms yet but they’re coming along, the iris and day lilies are coming up. I got a planting tray and seeds yesterday and may even get enough ambition to plant and then replant some flowers, we’ll see.
Here’s what I think, we can’t fight Mother Nature, so make the best of it. All that snow was good for the ground and good for the water table – with apologies to those who got too much water table and had flooded basements or worse.
Think the real thing Spring!